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HankApril 04 like i careright...it's been almost a year since my last writing. Usually I would write something either I'm extremely happy or down, and since I'm still serving in the military, there's nothing happy about my life. Actually small things can get me quite upset. I've been thinking that what I look like in other people's eyes and what I mean to them. It is so frustrating that you think perhaps it can work out well, but in fact you don't even matter. I feel that as a person at least I deserve some basic respect. Maybe it's me thinking too much sometimes but the feeling is aweful, like something inside is gonna explode but can't find the way out. And it creeps all around me. I can't think of anything else but let the feeling gradually choke me. I know I should be doing the obviously more important things, but the thoughts occupied the most of my mind that I just can't let go..so..I don't even know what's wrong with me... perhaps it's a temporary stuff...or it could last a long time...more likely to be the latter one..I reckon.. July 25 it ends todayhmm...it really ends today. I'll never forget about last night we talked in front of the labrary while I was slightly dizzy because of the beer. It was something that I've wanted to do.. sit down and talk about something more personal. I'm glad it was you that were beside me last night. As what I've sent to you guys, I'm really lucky to have you as my friend. And when I said "friend" I mean people having real connections and unspoken consensus, which I find not surprisingly I don't have many. There are only few people coming across my mind when I want to have a deeper talk. Perhpas it's because we spent more time together than any others, or maybe I just put myself in more, the time I walked out of the lab, the engineering building, I deeply felt that something was gradualy flowing out of my heart. My mind became a little messy with the past poping out one after another. I walked home paying no attention to the surroundings but only realizing the ever stronger feeling of loniness. Even the waving goodbye really means I get to see you guys again, I know it'll somehow be different. Lately there're people telling me how hard the militaty life will be. They all think I'm gonna fail to live all that through. Honestly, I don't give it a damn!! It is the leaving thing that's eating me. I don't want to look like an over sentimental person..so I guess I shall stop right now.. July 18 here it goes againSeriously, it really gets me. I've been wondering how long could the relationship between people last. It is fair possible the one who is so close to you to be a nearly stranger to you just after a few months with only small talks. Perhaps it is my problem *shrug* Conversation is always not my thing. Yes we may have lots of things to talk about and laugh at now. But what it's like if we're seperated..say...a year ? Living in different places..different freind circles, different life experience..I would totally lose phrases while having a proper conversation again. I think it has something to do with the insecurity I have toward a relationship. Maybe I'm just being afraid of being forgotten by others. Would it be much easier if I'm not so involved at the beginning? Once getting too deep, I am pretty anxious when it's close to an end, trying to find more to remember. Or am I just not giving enough to maintain a relationship? Anyway...all these are simply unorganized mumbling arised from the anxiety and hollowness during the life stage transformation period. Suddenly I have a feeling that I am kinda like a pagurian.... = / The changing time is the weakest moment...soft..and vulnerable. June 24 is that all ? Well...I know it's been a while the last time I wrote something here...partly because of the essay I had been working on...partly because I'm REALLY lazy. It all comes to an end though. Then I suddenly realize that this 'end' is actually a complete turning point of the life I've been living. Obviously the school stage is over..at least for now. To think of that there's a whole new world waiting there for me to jump in in a month..hmm...of course I didn't mean the lovely "whole new world" in Aladin when I mentioned it. It is bound to be a filthy, ugly, stinky, pressure filled world. Who knows. *shrug* Chances are I might turn out to be a better person. There're so many things I have to give up, the piano, the flute, the spanish, the working out, the swimming, ...almost everything I'm used to! Let alone that I'm not get to see the people I talk with nearly everyday. We're all heading toward different directions in life, just like the cereal falling out of the box on the desk, it is hard to have interconnection once walk out the gate. Maybe I'm just whining, and I admit that I AM the whining kind of person. I know I'm way luckier than some other people around me, which gives me the least rights to nag. People may see me having bright future being offered a place in IC, but the truth is that the anxiety comes right after the excitement. Looking back to those years in school, I did fairly well and knew what was ahead of me. It was all so predictable. Right now I am standing 1 inch close to the edge of the cliff looking down the black I'm gonna fall in. It's not the black that scares me, but the falling, though that comes from a total willingness. hmmm...It is a literal new world after I go to UK. Barely know anything, anyone, anywhere. At this point the emptiness mixed with axiety emerge again. anyway..I've already made this article a mess. Perhpas I'll add something here if I'm likely to complain about something again. July 25 7.8 (Sun) Paris Paris was colder than I had thought...fortunately the lovely small hotel offered hot chocolate at breakfast :D We went to the Notre Dame de Paris afterward. I still had the fantasy that The Hunchback had been living there XD The little park in front of it was full of trash...everywhere from the ground to the lawn and bushes = / I wondered how could that happen. Coincidently there was a Mass going on..so we got to see the whole process...well...not the whole of it..perhaps some parts of it. We luckily heard the holy songs~~ It was very different from hearing them in other places.The whole atmosphere made me feel like..ahh~the angels were smiling to me :p We gave up the chance to climb up..as usual XD (the "chance" still cost by the way..) Instead of climbing, we had a crepe :p
The next stop: Centre Pompidou. That is a totally weird place. The stucture is weird...the decoration is weird..and the surrounding is weird. The exhibition was weird as well...I really couldn't get those contemparary arts. Lots of interesting stuff tried to convey the message through different medias. Something about the environmental issue I think. I must mention this, the restaurant on the 6th floor. It was a very fancy restaurant, very Pompidou. The waiter and the waitress wore formal dresses which made them more like customers than we did :p. If you didn't pay attention, you could hardly recognise who you should call. Oh..and they're all good looking people, I suppose this is one of the restaurant's selling points XD I could imagine how great it would be when the lights are on in the night and glasses clinging, music played...what an indulging place it would be! As the food there...who would remember what the food tastes like when your eyes can have more to enjoy XD We kept on with the "art education" after lunch...but it only got weirder...
Quartier du Marais was the next stop. It should be full of fun..but it turn out no shop was open and the weather wasn't so nice. Besides...allegedly that is a dangerous zone = / We then took the subway back to the zone where we lived in. However..as soon as we stepped out the subway...it started to rain. The kinda rain that you must have an umbrella to keep going. We could only wait for the rain to decrease a bit and ran back to the hotel.
The rain ceased right after we got ready to play again :D We went to the PALAIS DE LOUVRE for walk. Of course we didn't enter the museum for we had had enough museum experience and most importantly.. it was closed. Due to the coldness, we were eager to have hot soup.(strangely French people don't seem like hot soup..) Eventually we ended up having dinner in a Ramen restaurant XD
With the content stomach, we hopped in a taxi and moved to the Eifell tower. The last time we had been to paris, we only had a glance on it. So this time, we took the elevator to the top :D Though a little crowded, it was soooo amazing. The height was dreadful, the wind was cold, but the view would make this worthwhile. There are two sections of elevators, and the second one moved really fast. on the top of the tower, they have signs to indicate that in what direction your country is. (not surprisingly, I couldn't find Taiwan.) When we got back to the gound...safe ground :p, we were just in time for the 11:00 light show. That night, I slept with a shining tower in my mind :) (by the way..I saw many latinos selling the tower key rings...SOOO typical!!SOO souvenir XD) July 24 7.7 (Sat) paris We arrived Roissy-Charles-de-Gaulle really early this morning at 7:30 am. It looked messy and chaotic to me = /. After leaving the luggages in the hotel, Hotel Montalenmbent (HM..which reminds me one of my favorite stores), we headed to Musee Orsay, which is about ten or fifteen minutes by foot from our hotel. It was nine thirty by the time we were there, so it was the first time I didn't see long queue in front of a museum. The museum is beautiful with lots exhibitions, from impressionism to symbolism and realistism...etc. Another good thing is you get to use your camera as long as it's without flash. (Oh..and I bought my ticket two euros less just because I am under 25...how strange was that XD).
The lunch...was weird. It was a restaurant with only one kinda set which was steak and french fries..oh and salad. The french fries was discustingly sweet..and the steak was really overcooked....and it was all-you-can-eat...So..The first meal in French was a totally failure, and this failure cost 39 euros each -___-
As soon as we checked in after lunch, we got things set and had a quick shower, then we took off to Rodin Museum. There was a special exhibition..something Japanese..but all I remember is there were x-rated paintings :p The sculptures are exquisite..though after seeing too much sculptures..we preferred some ice cream and icy drinks. We walked from the musem to Chomps Elysees and continued to the Arc de Triomphe. I had a very impressive experience of what was "crowded". Every pavestone on the street had feet on it and every store along the way was full of crazy people. (Probably because it was Sat *shrug*) The Arc de Triomphe is beautiful whether you see it near or far. We didn't climb up to the top of it though. Partly because of the long queue..and partly because we were tired and it had like hundreds of steps.
The dinner was okay..I would say..some mediocre stuff...pretty dishes..but nothing special. By the way, the elevator in the hotel was soooooo cute :p July 21 finally Well...to put a start here.. I'm gonna start to write my traveling notes..and...it's gonna take quite some time...which isn't so encouraging while I'm in absolute laziness. Anyway...maybe I'll start with the photo part since most people start with that and never move to the article section. *shrug* I've got some pics from myself...and also from the photographer of my family, Bonnie the sister. XD hmm...I'm feeling lazy now...perhaps I can start this after lunch...:p
I'm not sure if I'll write the notes in chinese or english....I haven't studied english since the day of the ielts test...let alone the english study group XD (if you see this..karina..I suggest we change it into eating group XD )
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